"I've got a cupboard with cans of food, filtered water and pictures of you, and I'm not coming out until this is all over." -The Postal Service

"Without you, today's emotions would be the scurf of yesterday's."
-Hipolito

Another quiet Friday. VERY busy day at work. Lots of annoying customers. Nick and Heather went to Foxwoods. I came home and BLASTED Postal Service on my turntable and cooked myself a fantabulous dinner of cheese tortellini and meat sauce. I ate dinner and polished off three beers in a sixer before Amy and Brandon came home and I joined them upstairs where I finished my sixer while we smoked and watched Amelie. Good night. And I'm going to T-Mobile tomorrow to get my phone. Amy and I are going to hit the mall where I'll get my phone and then I think we might hit Portsmouth. Not sure. I'm probably going to be a bit hungover.

"Cuz I'm a man, not a boy, and there are things you can't avoid. You have to face them when you're not prepared to face them." -The Flaming Lips

I'm bored. Utterly incredibly bored. And I've accomplished nothing at all today. I went and got coffee (at Brewbakers...I actually got a full one today) and then went hunting for prepaid cellphones. Came home empty handed. Now I'm trying to think of ANYTHING to do and not coming up with much. I think I'll just go get some food and maybe a movie. I thought about cleaning my room, but it's such a daunting task. I think O'd rather just sit around. HO HUM.

"If you're just staring at your walls, observing echoing footfalls, from tenants wandering distant halls, then this one is for you." -Phish

So I decided to go to the movie. It was good. Better than I expected. Not phenomenal, but definitely good. There were some damn good action sequences. The car chase from the trailer was pretty friggin' cool, let me tell you.
And it's a bit weird smokin' butts in a theater. I felt like such a rebel. Thanks for a good night Emily. I needed that.

"When I try to get through, on the telephone, to you, there's still nobody home." -Pink Floyd

Yeah. Another no contact weekend. But I guess I'm not really shocked. It's only been a month or so. But who's counting. I said I wasn't going to make an effort anymore, and I'm not. Whether the excuse is class, a new "beau", family obligations, makes no difference to me. I thought the point was to always make time for your friends. The ones that lend you money and buy you dinner, that give you advice and listen to you complain. I guess I was wrong (again).
But enough about that. This girl at work asked if I wanted to go to a private midnight showing of The Island, that new movie with Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansen, and I think I might just go. It'll be good to get out of the house and hang out with someone other than the work posse or the fam. That movie doesn't look amazing, but hopefully it'll be ok. And besides, it's free so what the hell, right? I've got twenty minutes to make up my mind.

"Come on in. I've got to tell you what a state I'm in. I've got to tell you in my loudest tones." -Coldplay

I've discovered Winamp radio. What fun. And I can watch all SORTS of videos. Songs that I'd forgotten about. WEEE...I'm trying to figure out a way to broadcast a playlist from this page. I downloaded some Shoutcast programs, so now all I have to do is get the ins-and-outs of it figured out and hopefully I'll be able to rig something up. We'll see.
Boring week. High points? We watched Million Dollar Baby. I thought that I'd hate it. I liked it. Quite a bit actually. It's a bit of a downer, though. Nick hated it. He said the dialogue was lame and I agree that at times it kinda was, but it was still good. Check it out.
Obviously didn't win at Foxwoods (SURPRISE!). Had an OK time. Bit of family overdose. Didn't come home broke though. I actually didn't spend as much as I thought I might. I have a problem stopping myself sometimes. My money just jumps right out of my pocket. I should really work on that. It gets me into trouble.
And my coffee shop SUCKS now. Ellen sold it and now some asshole decided it would be fun to sell all the coffee snobs in town three quarters of a cup of weak-ass crap coffee for three dollars and twenty-five cents. So screw it. I no longer boycott Starbucks (not that I ever did). At least they'll serve me my full cup of coffee...And I still tipped the son of a bitch.
And I get another Saturday off..Yippee. Of course, it's rent week, so my check on Thursday is already accounted for. I was gonna try and find myself somethin' groovy to do, but I think that's probably out of the question now. Figures.
Oh well...Off to bed. Resting up for another wonderful day in the life.

"The future looked so bright then. What happened tonight? Now aeroplanes are crashing. Who turned out the light?"-Sondre Lerche

Go here. Hear this boy. He's Norwegian. I'm obsessed. I downloaded twelve or thirteen songs Friday night and now that's all I'm listening to. I can't stop. I found a ton of Ben Kweller, too. A bit more on the rockin' side than our boy Sondre, but mucho entertaining. And, for a little more of Ben, I found two tasty little nuggets that I've been searching in vain for until now. See, Ben had a side project going with Ben Folds and Ben Lee. It was called (wait for it) The Bens. I'd heard one fraction of a song and, as I love Folds and Kweller, was super excited to find these little gems cleverly disguised as Kweller tracks. And lastly I found some Bright Eyes. Dear Conor Oberst tires to make you feel his pain with his voice, and is somewhat successful sometimes, but kind overdoes it sometimes as well. It's still very much good stuff. Good long-drive-by-yourself-with-the-windows-down music.
So yeah. Lot's of new music. Headed to Foxwoods today with the fam to gamble (read piss away) my pennies. If I win, I get concert tickets this summer. I need to go to a show. That's my goal for the summer. Screw the bills, screw everything else. I'm treating myself.
And of course it's raining again. My car smells like a dirty wet sock and my Yankee Candle Honeydew Melon Car Jar. Who wants a ride...

"Sleep, I sleep every day. Wipe the cobwebs away. I need to be loved."-Starsailor

Yeah...So I followed through with my plan. And Ryanne never showed. Neither did Peter. The two people who harassed me the most about showing up didn't show. Nice. And I was bored to death. Christ. I guess that's some sort of karma. And Nick didn't call either. I have a feeling he knew I was going to blow him off. Whatever. Always count on your friends right? So now it's quarter after one on a Friday night/Saturday morning and I'm bored...and lonely. And my petty, stupid, childish plan didn't work. What the F.

"My whole life is like a picture of a sunny day."-Sleater-Kinney

"But lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel." -Incubus

My friend Ryanne invited me out for drinks with the gang on Friday. I said yes. Know why? Mainly cuz they're a fine group of folks. And maybe Peter will be there. And Nick'll probably blow me off anyway. We sort of have tentative plans. But I'd rather go out with the gang. Whatever. I'm sure he'll find something to do. Besides, I could do without the inevitable "get your phone turned on" lecture or the "where does all your money go" refrain. I just want to go out, drink some beer, have some frickin' fun. And it's not like he's made much of an effort lately. I leave messages. He knows where I live. And yet it's been three weeks of being swept aside for the new BF (another I'll be "fortunate" enough not to meet) and dinners and drinks with more interesting friends than little old me.
I don't know. I give up. I don't think I want to play this game anymore. I'm tired of being the one that everyone forgets. It's no fun being left out, spending a rare weekend day off waiting. I should be anywhere else but here.

"When I was young, younger than before I never saw the truth hanging from the door." -Nick Drake

I just really need a good cry. That's it. I can feel it. It's good to let it out sometimes. I don't really know what my problem is. Sometimes it's anger and frustration and other times it's just this deep, deep sad. I don't know where it comes from. But it swallows me. And then I get angry at myself for being so depressed. And then I get angry at everyone else. Sometimes I have good days. Most of the the time I just mope. And sleep.
Not much fun to be around, I suppose. I spent all week at home. And this weekend, too. I played Zelda...for six and a half hours. I haven't cleaned in four days. And the roomies are home tomorrow. And now I have to go upstairs and have dinner with the neighbors. I need to clean. But they expect me. I want to be by myself and listen to Nick Drake and clean my house. Why can't I say no?

"Please don't confront me with my failures. I have not forgotten them." -Nico

Holy F-ing crap. I forgot how much I loved Sigur Ros. Heavenly noise, I'm telling you. I finally rented The Life Aquatic and my two favorite things about it were the prolific use of David Bowie songs (mostly in Portuguese) and the fact that there was also a Sigur Ros song in it. I choked up a little. Yeah...I definitely did. The song was absolutely perfect for the scene. And the movie is wonderful. And I'm feeling all gushy the way I do when I've been really MOVED by a movie. Wes Anderson is a genius. And I was totally expecting to be disappointed. I loved The Royal Tennenbaums, and I was hoping that this movie would be as good. And my hopes were realized. Sometimes life is beautiful.

" I am waiting for something to go wrong. I am waiting for familiar results." -Death Cab for Cutie

It's raining again. It's rained all week. The driver's side window of my car is stuck down. Driver's side. The side I have to sit on to drive. What the F. Of course it would rain all week. And not just showers. End of the world rain. And yeah, I know I could have covered the window or something until I get it fixed. But COME ON! FOUR DAYS OF RAIN?!?! WHo'd I piss off. Damn. I try to keep my karma balanced, but apparently I fucked up somewhere. Whatever. I'm used to having things happen all at once. But did you ever have those days, weeks, months, when everything just seems wrong? From the minute you wake up to the minute you finally go to sleep, nothing feels right. It's no fun. And I swear it comes in cycles. And I'm in it right now, man. I'm in it.

It's July first. In approximately nine hours we will be halfway through the year 2005. That means 182 and one half days are left. Yahoo. I'll get my party hat. I'll be 26 in about two and a half months. I have less than a third of a year left to be twenty five. That's not a long time. Aren't there certain things I was supposed to do by the time I was 25? Maybe I should make a list. Post it on the fridge. Yeah, that's a good place for it. I'm bound to see it there.

Things To Accomplish On The Downhill Slide Towards Thirty

1. Remove my head from my rear end.

2. Get a haircut

3. Get a real job

And so forth.